Dear Amy: My wife “mail” and I am newly married.
After marriage, my wife’s grandfather sent her a check of $ 10,000.
I jokingly asked him to hand over his $ 5,000 part as his new “partner”.
He responded with an angry reprimand that inspired me to start thinking seriously – why am I not entitled to share in this wedding gift?
– D
Dear D: This answer would depend on your wife’s statement of the intention of the grandfather’s intention when he sent this money. Was it a “wedding gift”, or was a gift sent to your wife after your marriage?
If the money comes up with a note, he said, “Mail, I hope you will use this gift to retire your college debt so that you can get a beginning for your wedding,” so grandfather is using this opportunity as a way to give a special gift to your granddaughter.
If Dadaji did not tell any specific intentions and addressed both of you as a wedding gift, it is for both of you.
In my opinion, you blew it when you asked your wife to hand over half your part, although the real gift here is that this episode should force you to discuss your finance: what is, what is, that, yours and ours.
Being married, both of you should motivate both of you to change your orientation from “us”.
Will you deposit your Pachek in a joint account and pay your expenses from this account? Will you pay your expenses proportionally to your income, or divide them equally? Will you take responsibility for each your own credit card loan and will agree that do not allow the remaining amount to increase more than a prescribed amount?
Moving forward, if one of you wins a lottery or receives money from a family member, will you deposit it in your joint account to share it evenly?
If you take two divorces, these cases will be decided by community property laws in your state. During your marriage, you get to make these options as a couple, and I hope you will.
A posterior agreement will codes some of these decisions, and if you divorce is essentially a roadmap to divide the property. Even if you get a post-nest, do not plan for your divorce; Plan your wedding.
You can ask your wife how would she react if the situation is reversed, and you received a generous cash gift from a family member. Will she expect you to share the gift equally? (I hope she will.)
Will she exclude her hand and will immediately demand half? (I hope she will not.)
Dear Amy: My ex -wife and I divorced five years ago. My three daughters are primary custody, age 6 to 12 (her mother sees them every other weekend).
Three years ago, I met the amazing “Alice”.
Elis and I got married last year and she went to our house. He did not bring the children to the wedding and is thrilled to be a part of our family.
All girls are doing, well, well, different from topical emotional storms based on their age and platform. The youngest daughter is the most attached to her new stepmother, but others are reaching there.
My issue is that Elis wants the children to call him “mother”.
He did not ask them to do so (they call him by their first name), but he made me clear that he is disappointed that he does not.
I am not sure what to tell him.
– Confused father
Dear confused: You should tell your wife what your children will tell her: They already have someone in someone’s life called “mother”.
The trip to the stepmother is extremely challenging, possibly more challenging for a curious and inexperienced new parents.
Your wife is one of your children’s parents, but she is not their mother, and as time passes, she will fulfill her special relationship with these daughters. The relationship should start from a place of completely trust, respect and friendship.
And so it must be “aligns” for now, and over time, as your domestic group becomes more intimate, the baby and alice can come up with another name that suits everyone.
Dear Amy: I was very upset to read questions from “sad and frustrated”. Her son had recently died, and yet her husband and her adult children hoped that she would host, cook and be cleaned for her during her visit to her.
I am happy that you advised him to go far during this journey. He is better entitled.
– distressed
Dear distressed: Her husband’s disregard was extreme.
(You can email Amy Dicinson [email protected] Or send a letter to ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow it Twitter @Askingamy or Facebook.)